


Proper Goodbye

by tangentsandbubbles



Category: Lord John Series - Diana Gabaldon, Outlander (TV), Outlander Series - Diana Gabaldon
Genre: Grief/Mourning, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-28
Updated: 2020-12-28
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:09:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28375194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tangentsandbubbles/pseuds/tangentsandbubbles
Summary: Just a little something to read in Droughtlander.  John's friends actually do something for him for a change.
Relationships: Lord John Grey/Percy Wainwright
Comments: 4
Kudos: 17





	Proper Goodbye

**Author's Note:**

> I am a first time writer here. Or anywhere. I blame lockdown, where I first started bingewatching Outlander

Proper Goodbye

  


John and Percy were visiting Frasers Ridge. John was sitting quietly watching Jamie and Percy at the breakfast table, while Claire carried bowls of hot porridge to them all. She caught John’s eye with a smile and a small shrug, as if to say “He’ll get there in the end.”

  
Jamie had been a bit frosty to Percy at first. Maybe it was the thought of having two sodomites in the house John thought. Or maybe he was jealous - no that didn’t make sense. He had only seen Jamie jealous once, and that had been when he found out John had married Claire. It could only ever be his love for Claire that would drive Jamie into a jealous rage.

  
Or maybe Jamie wasn’t sure if Percy was good enough for him. That made some sense, John thought with a smile, yes, Jamie did have protective feelings towards him. John chuckled to himself as he watched them, thinking _Jamie_ and _Jamie’s feelings_ were two very complicated thoughts to be having right now. John looked at the two men, thinking of what they meant to him - one his lover, the other his protector. He suddenly became aware of his own feelings, the word he had often asked of Jamie. He felt content.

  
Jamie seemed to be a bit more relaxed now as Percy worked his considerable charms on him, reminiscing about France and they were having a rather heated discussion as to the best wine to be had there.

  
After breakfast, they saw Brianna, Roger, Young Ian and William coming up towards the house.  
They all went out onto the porch where there were hugs and greetings and John introduced Ian to Percy.

  
Then Brianna stood there and announced “Is everyone ready?”  
There were nods and calls of “yes” as John looked around, wondering what he had missed.

Brianna came up to him and took his arm. “Come with us my dear John. We are going to have a memorial for Hector.”  
Tears pricked Johns eyes and he felt a catch at his throat, as he looked over at Jamie who smiled and nodded. Percy took John’s other arm and they all set off over the field to the grove of apple trees. The trees were in blossom, as the bees buzzed around the pale pink flowers and the leaves rustled on a breath of wind.

  
They came to a small stone seat with new flowers planted around it. The stone was engraved.  
_“Good night sweet prince, and flights of angels sing thee to thy rest”_  
John smiled. “Shakespeare.”

  
Brianna was carrying a sack, and she opened it and passed around simple bouquets of leaves and flowers. “We have a few poems some of us would like to read she said to John. John smiled and gripped her hand, eyes watery, as he stroked the finger where Hector’s ring used to be.

  
Roger stepped forward a little and sang a song.

  
_“Ae fond kiss and then we sever_  
_Ae fareweel and then forever_  
_Deep in heart wrung tears, I’ll pledge thee_  
_Warring sighs and groans I’ll wage thee._  
_Fare thee well thy first and fairest_  
_Fare thee weel thy best and dearest_  
_Thine be ilka joy and treasure_  
_Peace enjoyment love and pleasure_.”

  
“That was by a famous Scottish poet, well, he is about to be famous, Robert Burns,” said Roger, and he came over and embraced John. He then laid his flowers beside the stone. Percy then stepped forward.

  
_“Only the fire of passion shuns compliance_  
_Though it may leave green sapwood sere and dry_  
_In an old man’s cooling heart it stays aglow_  
_Alluring him back to young love’s wild defiance_  
_It renews, ignites, enraptures, kindles high_  
_Both heart and sole with the breath of love.”_  


Percy turned and smiled at John. “From Michaelangelo.” John smiled back. He doubted anyone else there apart from Percy knew Michaelangelo’s struggle with his sexuality.

  
Brianna spoke next . “This is modern poetry from Kahlil Ghibran.”  
_“And ever has it been known that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation. When you are sorrowful, look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight. “_

  
Brianna placed flowers by the memorial, and came back to stand by John’s side. She turned and looked into his blue eyes, and reached up to wipe away a tear with her thumb. “Just let them fall John, just let them fall for him.” Then she softly kissed his cheek and squeezed his hand. She was blinking her own tears, sensing his pain.  
“Thank you my dear,” said John.

  
Then Jamie stood forward and said a short prayer.

  
_“May He support us all the day long, til the shadows lengthen and the evening comes And the busy world is hushed and the fever of life is over and our work is done, then in His mercy may He give us safe lodging and a holy rest and peace at the last. Amen.”_

  
Jamie turned to John “Perhaps ye’d like to just take a wee time here alone fer a bit. We’ll see ye back up at the hoose.”

  
“Did you carve the stone Jamie?” asked John.  
“Aye. I did. With a bit of help from Roger. I didnae want to leave yer friend’s soul lost. If his soul can be at rest, ye can find some peace with it John. You told me all those years ago ye had never said a proper goodbye.” He embraced John in a big enveloping hug and John melted into the embrace with his eyes closed, smelling the warm peat and leather smell of him so close. Then Jamie gave him a soft kiss on the forehead, let go and turned to go with the others.

  
Percy smiled at John and let out a big sigh as he watched the big man walk through the trees. “That man truly does care for you.”

John reached out to Percy. “Stay with me a moment.”

  
Percy took his hand and led him to the seat. “Tell me what he looked like?”  
John smiled. “He was beautiful. Blue eyes. Dark curly hair, that flopped about his face, always untidy. Always a smile. Always. Like he had no greater joy on earth than to be with me.”

  
Percy smiled. “And you sneaked off to make love in the bushes?”  
John gripped his hand. “Yes. Sixteen I was. It was so exciting, passionate, and so tender. We did love each other. I’d never been in love before – it was such a gift he gave me. So he will always have a special place in my heart.”

  
“Oh John. His time of loving you and being loved by you would have brought the greatest happiness to him in his short life. Being in love with John Grey is a joy and a pleasure I can truly vouch for. One could live a long life and never know such love.” Percy’s throat tightened and he smiled through his brimming tears.

  
Percy put his arm around John and pulled him in so his head rested onto his shoulder. “It’s an honour to have shared your memory of him.” John still had Percy’s hand gripped and he reached out with his other hand to stroke gently along the back of Percy’s wrist. Percy stroked John’s hair with his other hand, feeling the soft strands along his fingers. “Do you ever imagine what it would have been like to grow old with him?”

  
John turned his head. “No, I never have. He was always young. If we’d grown old we probably would have just bickered about the colour of the curtains.” He chuckled and poked a finger into Percy’s chest. “You are the one I am going to grow old with. Come on, let’s go back.”  
“Would you like some time alone here?” asked Percy.

  
“No. Not now. I’ll come again- it’s lovely to have a place I can come to.” And he bent down and stroked the stone and placed his little bouquet down amongst the others, and whispered softly, “Goodbye my dear Hector, may my love give you peace.”

  
Then the two men turned, arms around each other and walked slowly back to the house.

  
Everyone including Fergus and Marsali were around the big dining table with glasses of whisky, and Jamie pulled up two more chairs and poured generous glasses to the two men.

  
John raised his glass. “Thank you to my dearest friends. To Hector.” There was a clink of glasses as they toasted. John winced as he gulped the whisky. Jamie’s whisky making skills still had a way to go.

  
Jamie raised his glass. ”To all those we have lost. To Murtagh, Angus, Rupert and our wee Faith.”

  
Claire raised her glass “To Frank and Faith.”

  
Brianna raised her glass “To Frank.” More clinking.

  
Fergus and Marsali raised their glasses “ To Henri-Christian.”

  
Ian raised his glass ”To Emily, and Yeksa’a Iseabail.” There was more clinking of glasses.

  
They all turned to William who was blinking tears and he couldn’t help but make quiet sobs. John turned to him with a pang in his heart and grasped his hand and nodded.  
William spoke clearly but with a small tremble in his voice, “To my mother Geneva. To my dear mother Isobel. To Jane.” They all murmured “Geneva and Isobel and Jane,” and banged their glasses again.

  
John squeezed William’s hand again. So much loss. So much grief and pain in one room. At least, in this moment, the grief was shared. He reached out to Willie and pulled him into an embrace, heads resting against the other, smelling the others hair as their tears fell.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading. I have a few more stories to come.


End file.
